Kindness is an important way of bringing meaning to our lives. It also brings joy to the lives of others around us. Being kind allows us to communicate better, be more compassionate, and also to be a positive force in people’s lives. Kindness has its true source deep within you, and while some people are innately kind, it’s something that everyone can learn by choice.
Some Tips
Care for others genuinely.
At its most basic, kindness is about caring genuinely for others around you, wanting the best for them, and recognizing in them the same wants, needs, aspirations, and even fears that you have too. Kindness is warm, resilient, patient, trusting, loyal, and grateful. Ultimately, kindness is deep caring for all beings.
Don’t be kind for the sake of getting what you want.
Beware of deluded kindness. Kindness is not about “self-interested politeness, calculated generosity, superficial etiquette”. Simply being nice to other people because you believe that this will manipulate them into giving you what you want in life, or as a means of controlling them, is not kindness. Nor is kindness about pretending to care for someone all the while repressing anger or contempt; hiding our rage or frustration behind false pleasantries is not kindness.
Be kind to yourself.
Many people make the error of trying to be kind to others while at the same time not focusing on being kind to themselves. Some of this can stem from not liking aspects of yourself, but more often than not, it’s sourced in the inability to know yourself better. And unfortunately, when you don’t feel rock solid within yourself, your kindness to others risks falling into the deluded types of kindness described in the previous step. Or it can lead to burn-out and disillusionment because you’ve put everyone else first.
Learn kindness from others.
Think about the truly kind people in your life and how they make you feel. Do you carry their warm glow around in your heart every time you think of them? It is likely that you do because kindness lingers, warming you even when the hardest challenges face you. When other people find a way to love you for who you are, it’s impossible to forget such trust and confirmation of worthiness, and their kindness lives on forever.
Cultivate kindness for the good of your own health.
Improved psychological health and happiness comes from thinking more positively, and kindness is a positive mental state. While kindness is about giving and being open to others, giving kindness returns a sense of well-being and connection to us that improves our own mental state and health.
Minimize judgment.
If you really want to be kind, then you have to kick your judgment to the curb. Instead of spending your time being critical of other people, work on being positive and compassionate. If you tend to think poorly of others, wish other people could step up their game, or feel like the people around you are needy or clueless, then you’ll never learn true kindness. Stop judging people and realize that you’ll never fully understand where they’re coming from unless you walk a day in their shoes. Focus on wanting to help others instead of judging them for not being better than they are.
- If you’re judgmental, prone to gossip, or just always bad-mouthing the people around you, you’ll never be able to move past your reservations to be kind.
- Being kind means giving people the benefit of the doubt instead of expecting perfection.
Don’t expect perfection.
If you have a tendency toward perfectionism, competitiveness, or a driven sense of urgency, self-kindness can often be a victim of your ambition and fast pace, as well as your fear of being seen to be lazy or selfish. Remember to slow down and to forgive yourself when things don’t work out as wished.
The act of listening is easier said than done in our fast-paced world, where rushing and being busy are seen as virtues; where cutting someone off because you’re too busy, or you need to get somewhere in a hurry, is the norm. Making being busy into a habit is no excuse for unkindness, however. When talking to someone, learn to listen with your whole being and sincerely pay attention to them until they’re done revealing their thoughts and story.
- Truly listening to someone, making eye contact, avoiding all distractions, and giving a person the time of day is one of the greatest acts of kindness. Take the time to truly absorb what the person is saying before responding with a pre-made answer or interrupting. Show the person that you appreciate the unique situation he’s in and that you’re there to lend an ear.
- Being a good listener doesn’t mean being a great problem solver. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is just be there to listen, while acknowledging that you don’t know what the person should do.
Donate to charity.
Another way to be kind is to donate some of your belongings to charity. Instead of throwing out your old things or selling them for 50 cents at a garage sale, donate the things you don’t need to a good cause. If you have clothes, books, or other household items that are in good condition, then making a habit of donating these things to charity instead of storing them up or tossing them is a great way to spread your kindness to others.
Perform a random act of kindness.
“Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you. The practice of random acts of kindness is alive and well as a conscious effort to spread more kindness. Through being kind, you take a standby affirming that caring for others, for our environment, for yourself is the right way to live life. It isn’t about immediate effectiveness; kindness is a lifestyle choice, a constant hum and rhythm accompanying every single thing that you think and do.
- Through being kind, you let go of the burden of worrying that others have more than you, are less or more deserving than you, or are in a position of superiority or inferiority to you. Instead, kindness assumes everyone is worthy, you included.
- Through being kind, you recognize that we are all in this together. When you harm another person, you also harm yourself. What you do to support others also supports you.
You don’t need a reason to be kind to people. Instead, here are 25 suggestions and ideas of ways to be kind.
- Smile and make someone’s day a little sweeter.
- Look for ways you can promote peace.
- Just listen.
- Offer a hug or embrace.
- Invite someone new into your friend tribe.
- Send out a kind email or card.
- Give someone a genuine compliment.
- Help clean up, without being asked, help someone out in a practical way.
- Hold open the door for the person behind you.
- Encourage a friend or family member when they are uncertain or unmotivated.
- Make peace with someone that has hurt you.
- Strike up a conversation with a stranger.
- Let someone into your lane while driving.
- Pay for the person behind you in line.
- Give your time to a friend or someone who needs it.
- Say Thank You and Please every day without fail.
- Meditate on loving kindness: “May you be happy, healthy, peaceful, and free from suffering, and may my actions in some way contribute to the happiness, health, peace, and freedom for all.
- Say “I love you “a little more often to your family and friends.
- Pause before you speak and choose words with positive intention.
- Help someone get some rest (watch their kids, run an errand, bring them dinner, etc.).
- Pick up litter you see thrown about even if it’s not yours.
- Remove complaints and curses for one week.
- Gift something meaningful to someone: loan a book, bring flowers, drop off cookies, whatever suits your fancy.
- Make a donation.
- Give up your seat, or for that matter, move your yoga mat in class, with positive intent.
Adapted from
WikiHow: How to be kind. How to Be Kind (with Pictures) – wikiHow
Doyou: 25 Ways to be kind. 25 Ways to be Kind – DoYou
Gregoryabbott.com. kindness-elephant-umbrella | gregoryabbott.com
The Pleasant Mind: Nice vs Kind: Who You Choose to Be? Nice vs Kind: Who You Choose to Be? | ThePleasant
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